Canadian Music Week or: Invasion of the Beardos part 3


With Keith napping and/or rubbing his dirty beard all over the bed, I decided to stay and drink in the hotel bar. Hotel bars, that is, as there were two. One with sunshine, smiling people and dance music, and one with drunk people. Guess where I ended up?

If you said “You ended up sitting at the bar next to a guy who would have starred in ‘Deadwood’ had ‘Deadwood’ been a show about truck drivers, drinking and listening to him argue with a surly old cocksucker of an Irishman about politics,” then you would be right! Yay!

I sat there and drank for a few hours until the surly old Irish cocksucker left and I became the annoying young cocksucker. My new truck driver friend relayed a story about a delivery to the Southern United States. It ended with his boss chiding him over verbally abusing a warehouse employee, who just so happened to be his brother-in-law. His response?

“Fuck you, that cocksucker is my brother!”

Time passed, drinks were thrown back, cocksuckers walked in and out of the bar. I remained constant with whiskey and colas until a local Toronto friend met me and Keith, who had emerged from his slumber determined to make up for the drinking time he had lost. We went to the nicer hotel bar and started ordering shots. I’m not entirely sure what we drank, but I know that we called it a throbbing bicycle. I don’t really remember if the name was appropriate or not. Is that more or less disgusting? I’m going with more.

“A round of throbbing bicycles for everyone!”

Next post: What does one do right after getting the shit kicked out of them? Attempt to enter Canada with no passport, of course! * “If you attempt to enter Canada again, you will be arrested.” * Real bacon vs. Canadian bacon: the ultimate showdown!

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